8 Self-Forgiveness Exercises to Let Go of Guilt

Forgiveness is a form of self-care because it releases you from the anger and resentment you feel towards someone who has wronged you. We’ve talked about forgiving others, but today, I want to talk about some self-forgiveness exercises, techniques, and activities that will make it easier for you to forgive yourself. You may be wondering why I want to shift the focus to self-forgiveness. Well, I would argue that we have a more challenging time forgiving ourselves than we do forgiving others. Thus, I want to give you some steps for the next time you fail to forgive yourself when you do or say something that you wish you hadn’t.

We can be so hard on ourselves when we mess up. We often harbor guilt for our mistakes much longer than we should. Holding on to internal guilt and shame hurts your relationships with other people. You might project those negative emotions onto others, which would make you less desirable to be around. Harboring those feelings may also negatively affect your productivity. Your mind may be consumed with negative thoughts, making it more difficult to focus on your daily tasks and may even make you fearful of trying what you “messed up” previously or continue a relationship with the person you hurt.

The next time that you make a mistake, big or small, consider this self-forgiveness process to help you move on after you’ve messed up.

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Back to the Basics: What Self-Forgiveness Really Means

Before you can begin the self-forgiveness process, it’s important to fully understand what it means. If you were to ask me for a self-forgiveness definition, I might start with something like, “showing yourself grace and accepting that you’ve done something wrong.” I’d go on to say that self-forgiveness is showing yourself compassion and separating yourself from the mistake(s) that you’ve made.

Why Self-Forgiveness Is Important

You might wonder why self-forgiveness is so important. Letting go of mistakes is necessary if you want to move forward in a healthy and productive way. Some people may associate self-forgiveness with condoning the wrong action that you’ve taken. Verywellmind.com says this: The act of forgiveness, whether you are forgiving yourself or someone who has wronged you, does not suggest that you are condoning the behavior.

It is important to forgive yourself because the healing process cannot begin until you free yourself from the anger, resentment, and disappointment that comes with unforgiveness. You can’t be a better you until you forgive yourself, make note of the lessons you learned from your mistake, and move on.

8 Self-Forgiveness Exercises to Make Forgiving Yourself Easier

Now that we have defined self-forgiveness and talked about why it’s important, I want to talk about some action steps that you can take to make forgiving yourself easier. I’ll also provide practical examples, tips, and ideas for how to carry out each exercise.

1. Journal About Your Emotions & Don’t Hold Back

Journaling is a great way to start your self-forgiveness journey. Getting your thoughts on paper often brings clarity and you certainly need clarity as you work through forgiving yourself for a mistake.

When journaling, it’s imperative that you fully express yourself. Don’t hold back anything that you’re feeling. Write freely in your journal, including as many details about the issue as you can.

Writing in your journal helps you focus and can provide you with a better understanding of the mistake.

2. Recognize Thoughts of Self Condemnation & Replace Them (Like Outloud)

Often when you’ve made a mistake, you condemn yourself over and over for that same mistake. The disappointment and shame that you’re feeling seems to overtake you and make you forget about all of the wonderful things you’ve done. When you have those thoughts and feelings, it’s important for you to recognize them and replace them with positive thoughts.

Just as meditation is used as a form of self-care, it can be used for self-forgiveness. Self-forgiveness meditation is effective because it allows you to positively (and verbally) recite and/or think through affirmations that can lead you to peace. Here is an example of a self-forgiveness meditation that you can use:

I recognize that I have done wrong. I also recognize that I am a human, and humans are flawed creatures. No matter how hard I strive, I am not and will never be perfect. My actions (or my words) have caused someone that I care about to be hurt. I accept full responsibility for my actions and I will take the steps necessary to rectify my wrongdoings. If the relationship has been destroyed beyond repair, I will accept the consequences and work hard to keep similar actions from happening again. I will not beat myself up repeatedly for this or any other mistake. I will, however, make a conscious effort not to make this mistake in the future.

You don’t have to use this one, but if you are lost about where to start, please use it. As you progress through the journey, you may want to pen your own affirmation that is more specific to your situation and needs.

3. Write Down Positive Outcomes That Can Come from Your Mistakes

Our minds tend to go towards the negative aspects of the mistakes that we make, but often, our mistakes can have some positive effects as well. For example, when you make a mistake, you increase your wisdom. It’s true! Once you do something wrong, you now know what not to do next time and you often try a new approach so that you don’t make the same mistake as you did previously.

The next time you make a mistake, and you’re working through self-forgiveness, try writing down the positive outcomes of your mistakes. You might be surprised to learn that your mistake wasn’t nearly as bad as you thought it would be.

4. Practice Compassion Toward Others and Yourself

When you are working on forgiving yourself for a mistake, you need to show yourself compassion. You also need to be compassionate towards others. It’s pretty straightforward to think of ways to show compassion to others. You can do things like sharing encouraging words, offering to help someone out, or simply sharing a smile to someone who may be feeling down.

How, though, do we show ourselves compassion? You can do things like writing a letter to yourself, repeating positive affirmations out loud, eating a healthy meal, or taking a nap. Compassion is expressing love and kindness towards someone who is suffering. So, ultimately, whatever you can do to show yourself and others some extra love while you’re working through your mistake will help you on your self-forgiveness journey.

5. Roleplay: Pretend the Offender Was Someone Else

Roleplaying is a great strategy to use for self-forgiveness. When people do this, it often helps them realize that they’re way tougher on themselves than they would be on anyone else.

Stand in front of a mirror and pretend that you are forgiving someone who has wronged you. What would you say to them? How would you look at them? This may seem silly, but it’s a great way for you to get your emotions out and begin your healing process.

6. Write Yourself a Letter of Forgiveness

Writing yourself a letter of forgiveness is a great way to fully express your thoughts concerning your mistake. Like journaling, writing yourself a letter allows you to get all of your negative emotions and anger out and move in the direction of peace. This letter should help you better understand how you feel, putting you in a better position to move towards self-forgiveness.

7. Write Down Ways Your Mistake Has (Or Can) Make You a Better Person if You Let It

The goal of self-forgiveness is to accept that you’ve done something wrong, forgive yourself, and then work to become a better person. Make a list of ways that your mistake has (or can) made you a better person.

Here are some examples:

My mistake has motivated me to be a better person.
My mistake has taught me to think before I speak.
My mistake has taught me to be less judgemental of others, especially when I don’t know the whole story.

These are just a few examples of some things that you can write down. Having this list gives you something tangible to look back on so that you can see exactly how you used your mistake to your advantage.

8. Quote Self-Forgiveness Affirmations Daily

Quoting self-forgiveness affirmations can be very helpful on your journey to forgiving yourself. Here are some of my favorite affirmations and my explanation as to why they are helpful:

I forgive myself so that I can forgive others.

If you can’t forgive yourself, you surely can’t forgive other people. Unforgiveness will have a negative impact on your ability to have healthy relationships with people. You must forgive yourself so that you can forgive others.

I release my past so that I can step into my future.

The past is called the past for a reason. What you’ve done is in the past. There is nothing that you can do to change the past. Accept your mistakes and move on with the idea that you will be a better person in the future.

I accept that I did the best that I could at the time. Now that I know better, I will do better.

I love the statement, “when you know better, you do better.” Use your mistakes as opportunities for growth. When you’re in a similar situation, use what you’ve learned to make the outcome better this time around!

I forgive myself and am ready to move on.

Until you make a conscious decision to forgive yourself, it will be very challenging to move on. Self-forgiveness gives you the freedom that you need to move on.

I acknowledge my faults and completely forgive myself.

Acknowledge that you have faults and forgive yourself for them. We forgive others all the time, but yet we’re so tough on ourselves. Show yourself the same grace that you show others. You’re worth it!

I am done beating myself up. What happened is in the past.

I know I’ve said this several times, but I want you to understand that continuing to beat yourself up for the same mistake is toxic. Don’t do that. Everybody makes mistakes. Take a little bit of time to wallow in your disappointment, but then get up, dust yourself off, and keep it moving!

I am loved.

No matter how big of a mistake you make, you are still loved. People that truly love you will accept you, flaws and all.

I am forgiven.

Enough said. Once you choose to forgive yourself, it’s done. If you ask for forgiveness from the person you’ve wronged and they reject it, move on. You can move on confidently, knowing that you did your part to rectify the situation.

Self-forgiveness is a choice. I choose to forgive myself.

Choose to forgive yourself. It’s the only way that you can move forward past your mistakes and become a better person. I know it’s tough, and I want to tell you that it’s a process that takes time. But, you will be so much better for going through the self-forgiveness process.

I am a good person.

Your mistakes do not define you. Period. You are a good person, even if you messed up.

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is self-forgiveness so difficult?

Self-forgiveness is difficult because there is so much pressure to be perfect. People have unrealistic expectations of us sometimes, and we even have unrealistic expectations for ourselves sometimes.

How do you let go of guilt?

Identify your guilt. Try to get to the root cause of the problem. Apologize and then try your best to make amends. Release the shame associated with your mistake, repeat positive affirmations often, and disassociate yourself with mistakes that you made.

How do I stop punishing myself for past mistakes?

Acknowledge the mistakes, learn from them, apologize to the appropriate people and move on. If you are surrounded by people who continue to throw your mistakes in your face, you may need to distance yourself from those people until they can learn to move past your mistakes. Remember, though, you can only control yourself. You can’t control other people.

How can I practice self-forgiveness?

Focus on your emotions. Identify your mistakes. Think about what you can learn from your mistakes. Consider what you would do differently if you were in the same situation again. Understand that self-forgiveness is a process. It’s not going to be easy, and it’s not going to happen instantly. Take the time you need to focus on your mistakes and work through the self-forgiveness process. Understand that you are not a bad person just because you made a mistake.