Remembering My Mom

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My mom passed away in February of 2020. She battled multiple myeloma for ten years before succumbing to this ugly disease. After my dad passed away just three months prior, she lost her fight. When he passed away, her health declined quickly. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to watch.

I Choose What To Remember

My mom’s declining health is the most recent memory that I have of her. However, I choose to overshadow those memories with the 40 years of memories that I will forever have in my heart. You see, it is those memories that push me to get out of bed each day. Those memories are what give me the motivation to strive to be the best version of myself that I can possibly be. Those memories make me want to be the mom that she was for me for my own children.

Early Memories

Growing up, I knew very early on that I was the center of my mom’s Universe. You want to know how I knew that? Because she told me. Often. And because she showed me. Mom made it a priority to spend time with me. We played games together (Gin Rummy was our favorite),  watched television together, cooked together, did each other’s hair and makeup, stayed up late (well as late as she could tolerate), and so much more.

The Fun Times with Mom

I can remember going shopping regularly with Mom, eating out at restaurants, traveling to the beach, and taking my first ride on an airplane with her. It was like having the coolest best friend in the world. But it wasn’t. She made sure to remind me when I got brave enough to sass her (which happened way more than it should have) that she wasn’t one of my little friends. (Raise your hand if you’ve heard that one before.) I’d, of course, roll my eyes (and get into even more trouble), but ultimately, I’d get back on track because I couldn’t stand the thought of her being mad at me for too long (which she never was).

I also remember her teaching me things like how to take care of myself, do my makeup, dress appropriately for occasions, and how to carry myself as a woman. She taught me how to be a friend, how to put my children first, and how to work hard and be independent.

I cannot count the number of times that we have laughed endlessly and the number of times that she crawled into bed with me because I was crying uncontrollably about something a friend or some dumb boy had said or done to hurt my feelings.

The Not So Fun Memories (At Least Not to A Teenager)

I can’t recall the number of times that she told me no when I asked to do something or go somewhere with my friends, nor the number of times I swore to never speak to her again for ruining my life, but I know this: she never allowed my anger to overpower her love for me. She would somehow make staying in and playing Gin Rummy and looking at movies with her way cooler than any event that I was missing.

Mom’s Superpower 

Mom didn’t just have that effect on me. She had it on everyone around her. She attracted people. She made things fun. She made things special. She made things memorable.

I still remember her telling me when she had been diagnosed with multiple myeloma back in 2009. I also remember her immediately demanding that I dry my tears when I started to cry. She was prepared to fight, and that’s what she did. She gracefully navigated her way through harsh treatments, trial drugs, perpetual pain, fatigue, nausea, and whatever else was thrown her way.

She mustered up the strength to cook holiday meals, plan birthday parties, weddings, graduation celebrations, and other family events.

She attended church events, traveled for family vacations, worked a part-time job, and did several other things that I’m still trying to figure out where she got the energy to do them.

Thankful for the Memories

I say all this to say that Mom was simply amazing. I can sit here all day and write about her. In fact, most days I do. I jot down memories that I have of her so that I can remember them on the days that I have difficulty getting out of bed because I’ve cried myself to sleep the night before.

I am thankful for the time that I had with her.  I am thankful for the lifetime of memories that I have of her.  I am thankful for the friends in her life who can fill in the spaces where my memory fades because I was too young to truly remember or understand certain things. 

I am thankful for the hundreds (literally) of photographs that I have of her.  I am thankful for all of the clothes, jewelry, and other trinkets that I have of hers that help me to have a piece of her with me every single day.  

I miss my mom so very much.  But I am so thankful for the memories that I have that have wonderfully served to get me through each day without her. 

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